Fighter
by u4ia
Summary: A member of the team gets injured in an explosion during a case. Emily and the team must learn to come beside her as she fights to heal and recover. Strong Jemily friendship, but nothing more only because I respect Will too much.
1. Chapter 1

Matt's hands moved quickly, maneuvering around a sharp turn in the road. JJ held tightly to the car handle with one hand as she hung up the phone with her other hand.

"Emily says she's right behind us as soon as she finishes up at the station," JJ reported.

"Got it," Matt replied. "We'll need her. We have no clue what we're gonna find at this place."

JJ took a deep breath. "Hopefully not another body."

* * *

_FLASHBACK_

_The team had gathered around their beloved round table at the BAU, and Emily walked in with a handful of case folders._

_"Alright gang, we're splitting up for this one," Emily announced. "We've got a case in Portland, but the Director has asked us to also look into a case here in D.C. So JJ, Matt, and I will be taking the jet to Portland, while the rest of you stay here."_

_"Better head out quickly, the storm's looking pretty bad out there," Luke noted, grabbing a case folder._

_Emily glanced out the window at the falling rain. "Okay, we'll be briefing on the jet. Garcia, can you walk the rest of the team through the D.C. case?"_

_"Aye, aye, captain," Garcia saluted, then picked up the remote and walked to the front of the room._

* * *

_Matt, JJ, and Emily leafed through the case folders, as the jet bumped along through the turbulence of the storm._

_"We've got four victims in the past month," Emily briefed. "Portland PD's close to catching this guy, but he's extremely organized, and he's moving faster."_

_"What do they have on him so far?" Matt asked._

_Emily read off from a sheet, and summarized, saying, "He's calling in bomb threats at highly populated areas, then picking out a victim from the crowd, taking them to nearby abandoned buildings, and then killing them there by beating them to death."_

_"Yikes," JJ muttered. "Any connections with the victims?"_

_"None. And nothing came up on the abandoned buildings either."_

_"So, he's calling in bomb threats, but not actually bombing the buildings?" JJ asked, clarifying what she was reading._

_"You'd think he would go for a higher body count," Matt added._

_"I guess we're thankful he didn't," Emily said. "He called in false bomb threats for the last three victims, but it says that they were able to connect the first victim because he had called in a false fire alarm."_

_Matt thumbed through the pages of the files. "And no way to trace the calls. They were all anonymous from public payphones."_

_"So he's inciting panic in a large crowd, and then honing in on a single person's fear," JJ analyzed._

_"That almost sounds like satisfying two different desires. Could we be looking at a team?" Matt looked up from the case files, thinking._

_"Nothing else seems to point at that," Emily shook her head. "And autopsy report suggests that there's only one person inflicting damage on the victims."_

_"Abducting someone in a large crowd, though. That's a bold move for one person to do alone," JJ noted._

_Emily closed her folder and began to think aloud. "Maybe he's offering some sort of comfort in the panic with some sort of ruse. People are scared and uncertain about what to do, they don't have anyplace to go for a while, he offers them a place to stay while they wait out the emergency services sorting out the potential disaster."_

_"Whatever it is," Matt replied, "it's working well for him. Huge crowds of witnesses and no one's come forward with anything."_

_"Well, there's been no media on this guy," Emily said. "Some people have heard of the deaths, but nothing's been made public about it being a serial killer."_

_JJ shook her head. "Someone somewhere must have seen something. We can't exactly sit around and wait for this guy to call in another bomb threat."_

_"Okay," Emily said, sitting up. "When we land, we'll get right on contacting the media and interviewing the people who worked in those buildings where bomb threats were called. Let's go catch this guy."_

_END FLASHBACK_

* * *

Matt and JJ moved through the building, their guns drawn and their flashlights out. Matt motioned for JJ to continue on while he inspected some marks in the wall near the doorway. JJ moved quickly down the hallway, aware of the eerie silence around her.

Outside of the unsub's building, another SUV pulled up silently on in the driveway. Emily exited the car, quietly closing the door behind her. Her phone buzzed, and she quickly answered.

"Hello?" Emily said quietly, trying not to make too much noise.

Her eyes widened in panic as the voice on the other end spoke, and she quickly hung up, reaching for her earpiece immediately.

"Matt, JJ. Get out of there. Get out of there right now."

Emily sighed in relief as Matt ran through the front door, confused. Matt checked behind himself for JJ, but did not see her.

Emily spoke more urgently into her earpiece. "Get out now! There's a bomb! There's a-"

Emily was cut off by an explosion. Everything began ringing. Matt was thrown back to the ground, and Emily stumbled, covering her face with her arm. She risked another glance at the house, and her eyes widened.

"JJ! JJ!" Emily instinctively began to run toward the house, and Matt leapt up to hold her back. She fought him defiantly, yet unsuccessfully. Slowly, her kicking stopped, and she stared helplessly at the house in concern and panic.

* * *

After some time, the ruins of the house began to settle. Emily sat in the shotgun seat of the SUV, the door open and her legs out. Matt stood by, watching her stare off into space in shock.

He spoke gently, "Hey. It's safe to check the house now. Come on."

Emily didn't move, nor did she give any indication that she had heard him.

Matt spoke a little more loudly. "Emily."

Emily looked up at him, suddenly snapping back into reality.

"JJ could be okay. She was wearing her vest."

Emily looked unconvinced and took a deep breath, looking away. Matt made an effort to catch her eye again.

"Plus, you and I both know JJ's a fighter. Now come on, let's go find her."

Emily ran a hand through her hair and gathered the strength to stand, following Matt into the house cautiously.

The two drew out their flashlights and guns, checking every corner. The chaos from the explosion was evident, and Emily's face was visibly concerned. Fallen debris and desolation surrounded them, as they checked for bodies. Emily spotted something on the floor down the hallway and gestured to Matt.

"The unsub," Emily muttered under her breath.

She bent down to feel for a pulse, then shook her head up at Matt, who made a face. They continued to move along the hallway.

Not much further down, Emily gasped quietly as she caught a flash of blond hair under a pile of fallen debris. She froze, unable to take another step. Matt looked at her face, put a hand on her shoulder, and moved towards JJ. He began to clear the debris, and Emily suddenly rushed forward. JJ was lying there, unconscious, and Emily felt again for a pulse. Her face melted away in relief.

"She's alive, she's alive."

Emily took JJ's face into her hand and leaned closer, as Matt stepped back and called for medical into his earpiece.

"JJ, JJ, it's me," Emily breathed. "You're okay, you're okay. Come on. Please wake up, please wake up. JJ, come on."

Emily stroked JJ's hair back with care and looked up at Matt helplessly.

"We need medical," Emily pleaded. "She needs help, she's not waking up. She has to wake up."

"They're on their way. She's going to be okay," Matt told her.

Emily looked down at JJ, biting her lip with uncertainty.

"She has to be."

Soon, JJ was crowded with medical personnel, and Emily moved back, allowing them to work. Matt studied her.

"Why don't you ride with her?" he suggested. "I'll let the rest of the team know, and we'll meet you at the hospital."

"Yeah," Emily replied, distracted and watching JJ.

Matt moved away, pulling out this phone and dialing. Emily automatically moved to follow the paramedics and JJ as they loaded her into the back of the ambulance.

Emily sat beside JJ's body as the vehicle moved along, her hand not leaving JJ's. Emily's eyes fixed on JJ's face, hoping and waiting for JJ to open her eyes, wondering what in the world had just happened.

* * *

_FLASHBACK_

_Matt and JJ went through the house, flashlight and guns drawn. Matt motioned for JJ to continue down the hall. JJ went through, checking several rooms, but coming up empty. Matt was still at the front of the house, when JJ's earpiece crackled to life with Emily's voice in her ear._

_"Matt, JJ. Get out of there."_

_JJ made a move to leave when a shadow flitted by, and she squinted at it in confusion. She faintly heard Matt shout something._

_"Get out of there right now," Emily's voice commanded again._

_Suddenly, JJ was hit in the stomach with a bat, and she doubled over. The base of the bat was slammed over her head, and she felt the unsub knee her in the ribs. JJ immediately lost a hold of her gun, and the unsub kicked it away as it fell. JJ grunted, looking up at her attacker, who smiled back sadistically. She held up her body with one hand on the wall._

_"Get out now! There's a bomb!" _

_The panic and fear in Emily's voice radiated through JJ's body. Her eyes widened as the unsub held up a flashing device with a grin, his thumb edging towards the button. JJ looked around wildly and suddenly noticed dozens of similarly flashing lights ready to go off._

_"There's a-"_

_The unsub pressed the button, and JJ felt her body get blown backward down the hallway. Her back slammed into a wall behind her, and she crumbled to the ground. With effort, JJ lifted her head and opened her eyes, trying to get her bearings. Her vision was blurred, but she caught a glimpse of a body just a mound on the ground, dead. JJ muttered incoherently, then looked up as she heard debris crackling and falling from above. Her eyes widened as a large chunk of the ceiling beams broke away and came toward her._

_END FLASHBACK_

* * *

**R&R**


	2. Chapter 2

Emily sat in a chair in the waiting room, staring off into space, her hands fidgeting. Matt sat beside her, watching the doctors go by. One approaches them, and Emily looks up as Matt stands.

"Dr. Kimura," Matt greeted. "How is she?"

"She's stable for now, but she's in pretty bad shape. There were a lot of internal injuries, and some severe bruises and lacerations. She has a concussion and a couple of broken ribs. Her left arm and side were crushed underneath the rubble. We did what we could, but it could be awhile before she regains a lot of functionality there.

"Can we see her?" Matt asked.

"It was a pretty extensive surgery," Dr. Kimura explained. "It'll be a fight for her to wake up. You can see her, but just…letting you know."

"Thank you, doctor." Matt motioned to Emily, urging her to get up. Emily took a deep breath and stood hesitantly, accepting Matt's hand of help. They followed Dr. Kimura down the hall to a closed door.

"Go ahead, Emily. You first," Matt encouraged.

Emily opened her mouth to say something, then turned toward the door. She reached for the doorknob and found herself shaking. She steadied herself, taking a deep breath before heading in.

JJ was lying on the hospital bed, her eyes closed, surrounded by machines. Her left arm was bound in a sling, and she was covered in bandages. Emily moved to stand at the foot of the bed and rested her hands on the bedframe. She stared at JJ's body for a long time before speaking, her voice barely a whisper.

"Jayje."

For a moment, Emily took in all of JJ's injuries. Her eyes rested on JJ's face, lingering. When she spoke again, tears threatened to break through.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," Emily's voice broke. "Please, you have to wake up. You have to be okay. I can't. I can't do this without you. I'm so sorry. Please, JJ. I need you to be okay."

Emily moved to sit in a seat beside the bed and took JJ's hand in hers.

"Please."

Matt walked in through the door, pausing to take in the scene.

"I've let the team know," he said quietly, "but they're grounded in D.C. and can't get a flight out with the storm. Will is in shock, but he's stuck out there too. He wants us to keep him updated, of course."

Emily didn't respond. Matt moved forward to put a hand on her shoulder.

"Emily, she's a fighter. She's going to be okay."

"I know," Emily responded quietly.

"You need to get some rest too," Matt urged. "It's been a long day for everyone, and we could do with a good night's sleep."

"You go on back to the hotel. I'll stay a little while longer," Emily said, her voice hollow.

Matt eyed her carefully. "Okay. Just…take care."

He left through the door. Emily held her and JJ's hands carefully and bent her head down, saying a silent prayer. Soon, she fell asleep.

* * *

Morning came, and Emily woke to find her hand still tangled in JJ's. She squinted, getting her bearings. She looked and saw JJ's face, and everything came crashing back down into reality. Emily took a deep breath and carefully extracted her fingers from JJ's hand. She walked over to the adjoined bathroom to wash her face. Emily took a deep breath and exited JJ's hospital room to the waiting room. There, she was surprised to see Matt asleep in a chair.

"Matt?"

Matt's head snapped up at the sound of his name. He blinked a couple of times and frowned down at his watch.

"Did you spend the night here?" Emily asked.

"I…well you did too," Matt lamely defended. "I was waiting up to go back to the hotel with you, and I guess…neither of us left."

"Yeah…I guess not."

"How is she?"

"No changes," Emily sighed. "How's the team?"

Matt pulled out his phone. "Constantly looking for an update."

He looked up and his expression softened. "How are you?"

Emily took a deep breath and sat down next to Matt. It was a long time before she spoke.

"JJ means more to me than she'll ever realize. She is constantly brave, selfless, smart, and incredibly strong. She's a rock. She's the glue that holds everyone together. She's…my best friend. I…I can't do this without her. When I think about all that we go through on a daily basis. When I think about this. And what happened to JJ. It's unfair. It shouldn't have been here out there. It shouldn't be her in there. She shouldn't have to fight. After everything she's gone through and every good thing she continues to do, JJ deserves the world. She deserves every good thing."

Emily and Matt sat in silence for a while, lost in thought. Matt bit his lip, then began to speak.

"I can't help but blame myself for what happened in there," he began. "For everything I should have done."

Emily turned to look at him. Matt took a deep breath and continued. "I thought…I thought she was behind me when I ran out. I should have…should have made sure. I should have gone back and helped her. If I had known she was fending off the unsub. I should have stopped to make sure she was okay. I was the one who told her to continue down the hallway, while I was so safe and close to the front of the house. I…It was my fault. She could've been okay right now."

Emily breathed, taking in what she had just heard. She put her hand over Matt's.

"Or both of you could be worse off right now," she reasoned. "You made the best choice you could in the moment, but you couldn't have known what would've happened. You can't blame yourself for what happened."

Matt turned to smile at Emily. "And maybe that's advice that both of us need to take right now."

Emily smiled back at him and nodded slightly. "Much easier said than done."

Matt put his head in his hands for a moment, then lifted his face slightly.

"Maybe we should go back to the hotel, get some proper rest," he said.

Emily looked over at JJ's room.

"It doesn't feel right to leave her," she said quietly.

"We're not leaving her. But we can't do anything here. Especially in the state we're in. She's in good care. And we'll ask them to let us know as soon as there are any changes.

"When can we come back?" Emily asked.

"Whenever we want," Matt replied. "But we need to take care of ourselves too.

The two got up to leave, stopping to talk to Dr. Kimura on the way in order to get updates.

* * *

Emily toweled off her hair after a long and much-needed shower. It had been hours since they had left the hospital. She sat on the hotel bed and grabbed her phone off the bedside table, checking for any messages and preparing to send a new one to Matt.

**EMILY:** Any updates?

It was the third one she had sent since they had left the hospital, and they had all been responded to similarly.

**MATT:** Still nothing. I'll let you know as soon as I know anything, no need to keep asking. Get some rest.

Emily read the message and sighed, then set her phone down. She paused, then picked it up again, scrolling to find her last conversation with JJ and the last texts she had sent. Emily smiled down at her phone.

**JJ:** Coffee run, be there in 15. The usual?

**EMILY:** Yes, please. You are a gift from heaven.

**JJ:** Haha, see you in a bit. Love you.

**EMILY:** Love you, see you soon.

"Love you, see you soon," Emily said aloud, quietly to the air in front of her.

With that, she turned off the light, crawled into bed, and went to sleep.

* * *

Emily awoke to the sound of knocking on her hotel door. She got up slowly, still waking up.

"Emily? It's Matt," a muffled voice came through the door.

Emily suddenly snapped awake and moved quickly towards the door, opening it for him.

"Hey, is she awake? Any news?"

"I just got off the phone with Dr. Kimura," Matt said. "She's not awake, but there's news. Besides not waking up, she's been doing surprisingly well post-op. They're thinking that a day or two, she'll be stable enough to move to a hospital in D.C., and they can keep an eye on her over there for when she wakes up. So we should be able to head back soon too.

"Oh. That's…that's good, right?" Emily began to speak quickly. "An-And she'll be okay? They think it's safe to move her? Does that mean she's getting better?"

Matt put his hands on Emily's shoulder and looked her in the eye, calming her.

"Yes, this is good," he smiled slightly. "If she keeps on this path and stays stable, they say she'll be okay. She'll be okay, Emily."

"She'll be okay," Emily repeated to herself.

They smiled at each other, a look of relief in their eyes.

"Let's go see JJ," said Emily.

* * *

Emily and Matt arrived at the hospital, feeling better after some rest. Matt gestured to a nearby vending machine.

"Go ahead," he said. "I'll give you two some time."

Emily smiled in thanks and walked into JJ's room. She took a deep breath and sat in the seat by the hospital bed. Her hand automatically found JJ's.

"I heard…you're getting moved soon to D.C. That'll be good. Everyone's been really worried about you, and I think it'd be good for them to see you too. It'll be good to be home. It'll be good. I'll be coming every day to visit until you're all better. So…so you just keep on fighting, keep on getting better, and you'll be okay in no time."

A knock sounded on the door, and Matt stepped in, Bugles in hand. He offered the bag to Emily, and she smiled and shook her head. Matt dragged another chair next to her, and there was silence for a bit before Emily spoke softly.

"I miss her voice. I miss her jokes. Her smile. Her eyes. All the little things that I guess I took for granted before. I miss her. I wish she'd wake up."

"She will," Matt said, doing his best to convince Emily as much as he was to convince himself. "She has to."

They sat in more silence before Matt playfully began placing Bugles on JJ's fingers. Emily raised an eyebrow and half smiled. Matt grinned at her.

"JJ can kill us for this later when she wakes up," he joked.

Matt offered the bag once again to Emily.

"Come on," Emily said with a small laugh.

Matt smiled and gestured towards the bag and JJ's fingers. Emily rolled her eyes and grabbed a Bugle, placing it on JJ's thumb. She smiled at Matt, and he grinned back.

"Happy?" Emily asked.

"Mm, amused."

Matt popped another Bugle in his mouth. Emily turned back to look at JJ, longing for her to wake up.

* * *

**R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

A few days later, Emily rose to answer a knock at her hotel door. She opened it to reveal Matt, with a duffel in his hand.

"Hey, get packed soon," he told her. "They finished up JJ's transfer papers for D.C. We can go home as soon as you're packed."

Emily hesitated. "Right. The transfer. Home."

"Yeah," Matt said, confused. "Is everything okay?"

Emily took a deep breath and looked around at the hotel room.

"I don't really know how to go back. It feels like everything has changed, in a way. I've been going over what I'm supposed to say to the team, and I just…I just don't know what I'm going to say. 'Hey, JJ's hurt really badly, and I don't know if she'll wake up. I could've stopped it if I had been a couple of minutes faster. I don't know how to move forward now, and I want everything to stop and I just want to sit with her until she's okay. How'd your case in D.C. go?'"

"Emily," Matt said.

Emily's eyes filled with tears, and she began to pack to distract herself. Matt grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Emily," Matt repeated, more firmly. "The team will understand. I know…I know we want to sit here and blame ourselves and stay until everything's okay, but it'll be better for JJ to be back home. Believe me, I've been running through what I'm supposed to say about how I left her in the house with a bomb that almost killed her. But we need to get home. For JJ."

Emily shook her head. "I'm…sorry. You're right. I'm sorry. We need to get back. I'll give you a call when I'm finished packing, just give me a bit."

Emily moved to continue packing, more slowly this time.

"Okay. I'll check us out of the hotel." Matt's eyes linger for a bit, making sure Emily was okay. Emily avoided his eyes and sighed as Matt left.

* * *

Emily and Matt sat across from each other on the jet, both staring out the window, deep in thought. Emily turned to look at Matt.

"It doesn't make sense," she began.

"What?"

"The unsub," Emily continued. "He never actually bombed a building before now. And when he does, he decides to take himself down with it. It's not exactly a glamorous endgame."

Matt thought for a bit. "We profiled he got off on inciting fear and panic in a large crowd, then picking people off one by one, right?"

"Yeah, but this wasn't the same thing."

"It might have done the trick when the media announced that the FBI was here to investigate," Matt reasoned. "He had successfully incited fear and panic into enough people that they had to call us in. Then he picks off JJ to be his next victim."

"But he deviates," said Emily. "He doesn't beat her up like he did with his past victims. He actually sets off a bomb this time. A huge explosion for just whatever agents were going to be in that building? And he had to have known he wasn't going to make it."

"Maybe he didn't."

"It doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but him," Matt reminded her. "Our profiles are just a tool. They're not always right, but they help us get a sense of what's happening. Maybe it's best that you and I will never understand a serial killer's exact thoughts. But sometimes we just won't know everything."

Emily sighed and looked down. "I want to know. For JJ's sake. Usually, once a case is closed, it's over and done with for me, but…I guess…I just want to know why this happened to her."

"I don't know. I wish we knew too," Matt agreed.

"Is that unfair?" Emily's eyes met Matt's. "To be invested in trying to get to the very bottom of this case just because someone I know and love is involved? When we finish a case, we give loved ones what we can tell them about the unsub and situation, and then we just leave them to grieve, assuming that the information we had was enough for them to move on just because it was enough for us to catch the guy. Is that fair?"

"Emily, don't beat yourself up for wanting to know what happened," Matt reassured her. "What we do is enough. We tell families what they need to hear. We give them closure about what happened. Knowing more doesn't necessarily make it easier."

"I guess you're right. It's just…different on the other side."

Matt continued. "Those families do move on. And people heal. And people grow. JJ. She's fighting hard. And she's healing. And she's going to get better, and we're going to be by her side when she does. And we'll all heal. And we'll grow. And we'll all learn to move on and keep living as different and better people. For now, we're stuck in this hard part. But it's not hopeless, Emily."

Emily smiled slightly at Matt. "Thank you."

* * *

Emily and Matt walked through the doors of the BAU with their go bags. The rest of the team stood waiting, concerned and eager for information.

"Is JJ okay?" Reid asked immediately.

Emily took a deep breath. "She…hasn't woken up yet. But she's being moved to a hospital here."

"Matt told us a bit about what happened, but…what happened?" Rossi asked.

Emily opened her mouth to speak but was silent for a time. Matt gave her an encouraging nod.

"There was…an incident at the house," she began. "The unsub set off a series of bombs, and JJ wasn't able to get out in time. She was…badly injured. We found her under a pile of debris. The hospital said…internal injuries, concussion, broken ribs and arm, bruises and lacerations. They did an extensive surgery, but JJ still hasn't woken up yet. They said she was stable enough to move and to keep an on her here, so…we're hoping she's on the mend."

"JJ…," Penelope whispered sadly, her hands over her heart.

"Has she been transferred already?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, she should have arrived pretty recently," said Matt.

Reid spoke up again. "Can we see her?"

"I think so," Matt said uncertainly, "but we'd have to ask. I'm not sure."

"Let's go," Reid replied quickly.

"I'll call Will," Rossi said. "Let him know to meet us there."

* * *

When the team arrived at the hospital, Will was already there, sitting in the waiting room. He looked as though he had been crying for some time and hadn't slept. Emily moved to sit next to him.

"Will."

"Tell me she's gonna wake up," Will pleaded, not looking at Emily. "Tell me she's gonna be okay."

"We're hoping for the best. But you know we can't promise you anything."

"Why did this happen?"

"I wish I knew." Emily looked around.

"Where are the kids?" she questioned.

"With a nanny," Will muttered. "I didn't…I didn't want them to see her like this. I didn't want them to see me like this. They've been asking about her nonstop for the last couple of days. I don't know what to tell them."

Reid approached the pair, and Will breathed in deeply.

"Are they letting us see her?" Reid asked.

"They're running tests to make sure she's stable after the transfer. They said we could see her in a bit."

Reid moved away to a seat next to Penelope. The team was seated all over the waiting room, each quiet and lost in thought.

After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor approached the group.

"For Jennifer Jareau? I'm Dr. Carson," he spoke. "She's stable now, but we don't want to crowd her. Maybe two people at once in the room. I can take you there."

Will immediately stood up, and Emily followed suit. She looked around uncertainly, and when no one objected, she followed Dr. Carson and Will through a far door.

Will moved to JJ's side quickly and took her hand in his. He began to whisper lovingly into her ear, voice breaking. Emily watched from the foot of the bed. After some time, Will sank into the seat next to the bed, eyes fixed on JJ. Emily still hadn't moved from where she stood.

"Have you called it?" she broke the silence.

"Called what?"

"You and JJ. Your deal. That if it got too scary, you could call it. Live your breakfast place owner and full-time mom little dream."

Will looked down at JJ, surveyed her injuries, and looked around the hospital room at all the machines. He took a deep breath.

"It is too scary right now. And it's a tempting little dream."

Emily looked at him sympathetically.

"But JJ would put me in the hospital too if she knew I called it while she was out."

Emily let out a small laugh and nodded. Will's face turned serious. He turned to JJ and stroked her hair with his hand.

"I'm terrified of losing her," Will admitted. "It's terrifying to see her like this. And thinking of the kids. And this job doesn't make it any easier. Maybe she'll take a break after this, but we all know JJ wouldn't be happy doing anything else. And that's not selfish of her to want to do this. It's exactly the opposite, her selfless heart putting her out there, helping others the way she knows how. I'm terrified, but I'm not going to call it. Because I know she's going to come out of this, she's going to fight to get better, and she's going to go right back out there and kick ass. Just like all the times she's done before. She's a fighter. She's a hero. And I believe in her."

Emily nodded slowly in agreement, her eyes never leaving JJ's face. After some time, the two left the room, allowing the rest of the team to rotate through to see JJ.

Days passed, and JJ's room was constantly flooded with doctors, BAU team members, and family every day. There was never a moment that she was alone.

* * *

**R&R**


	4. Chapter 4

Once again, Emily and Will sat in JJ's room, Will in the seat beside JJ's bed, and Emily in a chair on the other side of the room. Both were struggling to stay awake.

Suddenly, JJ's eyes snapped open and looked around wildly. She began hyperventilating, and the machines around her beeped rapidly. JJ's face was panicked and confused, and her arms struggled to move, fighting her injuries. Doctors flooded into the room, alerted by the machines, and Will and Emily stood over her, concerned and now very much wide awake.

"JJ, JJ, it's me. It's Will. You're okay, you're okay. JJ, honey, look at me."

JJ continued to panic, Will's attempts to calm her going unnoticed.

"Sir, I need you to step away," Dr. Carson said, making his way closer to JJ.

Will and Emily stepped to the side, trying to see over the small crowd of nurse and doctors that had formed around their friend. Emily's hand flew over her mouth, and Will did his best to hold back tears, as he watched his wife struggle.

"Jennifer? My name is Dr. Carson. You were hurt pretty badly, but you're in the hospital now. You're safe. We're gonna help you to calm down, okay?"

A nurse placed an oxygen mask around JJ's face. Her breathing slowed as she looked around more carefully at her surroundings. Suddenly, JJ's body seized in pain, her right arm moving to her left side. Her eyes squeezed shut, and tears threatened to leak out the sides.

"We're gonna give you something for that pain, okay?" Dr. Carson's voice was firm, grabbing a hold of JJ's attention and drawing it away from the pain. "You're doing great, just keep focusing on your breathing for me."

The doctors moved to inject something into her arm, and JJ's face slowly relaxed after a moment. Her hand loosened her grip, but didn't leave her side. She made eye contact with the doctor and followed his orders to focus on her breathing.

"Good job, Jennifer. You're doing great," Dr. Carson encouraged. "I'm gonna give you a quick checkup, okay? It's not going to hurt, just some light in your eyes. Can you follow the light with your eyes?"

Dr. Carson continued his checkup, interjecting with affirmations. JJ followed along, her breathing still ragged, but steadier. When he finished, Dr. Carson placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You gave us a little scare there, but you're looking stable enough. I'm gonna leave you with your friends now, okay? But you'll need your rest."

The last part he directed at Emily and Will, a subtle reminder not to keep JJ for too long. JJ nodded slightly as Dr. Carson left the room. Her eyes shifted to Emily and Will, who were staring at her with a mixture of concern and relief.

"You're awake," was all Emily could utter.

JJ struggled to remove the oxygen mask from her face. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper.

"Wh-What happened?"

"There was…an explosion," Emily said quietly. "You were hurt really badly. You've been out for two weeks."

JJ looked on in confusion at first, then the memories came flooding back to her. The hall, the unsub's attack, his sadistic smile, the flashing lights of the bombs, the explosion, the falling debris. JJ's breath quickened, and her hand unconsciously moved to her hold her side again. Emily glanced up at the heartrate monitor, and she moved to put her hand on JJ's.

"But you're okay now. You're safe, you're safe. And we're here with you. You're okay, JJ."

JJ held Emily's gaze, and her breathing slowed again. She looked over to Will.

"The kids?"

Will came closer to the bed and stroked JJ's hair back.

"They're with the nanny. They're fine. They were so worried about you. I've been so worried about you."

"I'm sorry, I-"

"No, no, no, JJ. It's okay, it's okay. I'm just…I'm just glad you're okay. You're gonna be okay. And I'm staying right here with you."

JJ exhaled slowly and gave Will's hand a squeeze.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"I'll give you two a moment and let the rest of the team know you've woken up," Emily said, getting up to leave the room.

She stepped out into the hallway. Out of sight from JJ, Emily took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. Then she slid down and began crying.

"Hey…" a nurse from earlier had approached her.

"I'm sorry, I-" Emily began.

"No, no, it's okay. I'm Rose," the nurse said, introducing herself. She gestured to the door. "You're JJ's friend?"

"I…yeah. Emily."

"Emily," Nurse Rose repeated. "I've seen you in here just about every day, waiting for her to wake up. It's okay to be overwhelmed by everything that just happened."

Emily exhaled, struggling to find the words to say. "I just…Seeing her. Like that. Surrounded by…everything. And hurting. I felt so frozen. And so helpless. She was hurting, and I couldn't do anything."

Nurse Rose smiled slightly. "No, that's our job."

"And I thank you for that. It's just. It reminds me of everything I could've done for her not to get hurt. And I know I can't do anything to change that, but now, I still don't know what to do. She's still hurting, and I'm still terrified every moment of losing her."

"I'd be shocked if you weren't scared out of your wits," the nurse said. "If you don't know what else to do, you keep doing what you've been doing the last two weeks. Just being by her side. JJ's awake now, and she's going to need you every step of the way as she fights to get better. She needs you to remind her that she deserves to get better and that she will get better. Progress is hard and slow and frustrating, but it's so much easier when someone fights with you. You and JJ's husband and her whole team. You're all that someone for JJ. So go back in there and fight with her."

"Okay. Okay, you're right. Thank you."

"Of course."

Emily moved to stand, and Nurse Rose stood with her, giving her a small smile. Emily pulled out her phone to text the team, then took a deep breath and put her hand on the doorknob. After another encouraging smile from the nurse, Emily entered the room again, giving JJ a brave smile.

"The team just opened up a case in Montana, but they'll be on their way in a week or so," Emily updated. "They're looking forward to seeing you."

JJ gave her a small, tired smile. "Thank you."

"You should get your rest now," Will said to JJ. "But we'll be here when you wake up, okay?"

JJ nodded and closed her eyes, too exhausted to argue. Very soon, her breathing slowed as she fell asleep. Will's hand remained in JJ's, and he lowered himself to sit back in the seat next to her. Emily continued to pace for a bit before sitting.

Finally, Will's phone ringing broke the silence.

"Hello?" he answered.

Will took a deep breath and listened to the other end.

"And he won't stop? Okay. I'll be home soon then. No, it's okay. Okay. See you soon."

Will hung up and stood, grabbing his coat.

"Everything okay?" Emily asked.

"It's the kids," Will sighed. "They've been a bit crazy every since…"

He trailed off, his eyes on JJ.

"I don't want to leave her, but…can you let her know? When she wakes up? I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Of course. Good luck."

Will kissed JJ on the forehead and whispered in her ear before leaving. Emily stifled a yawn and took a seat in the chair that Will left JJ. She pulled her coat over herself as a blanket and began to doze off.

* * *

**R&R**


	5. Chapter 5

Emily woke suddenly and saw that it was dark out. She checked her watch and stretched, sore from sleeping in a hospital chair. Emily glanced at JJ, then did a double take.

JJ was feverish and sweating, her eyes tightly shut and teeth clenched. Her head tossed and turned occasionally, and her right arm was once again clutching her side. Emily placed a hand to JJ's forehead to check her temperature, then stood up quickly and rushed to the bathroom. She grabbed a small towel and soaked it in cold water, placing it on JJ's forehead.

"Shh, JJ, JJ. You're okay, you're okay. God, you're burning up."

JJ whimpered slightly, but didn't wake up.

"Okay. Okay, I'm gonna get some help, okay, JJ? I'll be right back."

Emily left JJ's side and checked around the hospital waiting room. She spotted Nurse Rose and grabbed her arm.

"Nurse Rose, right? Is Dr. Carson around?" Emily did her best to keep the panic in her voice hidden.

"Sorry, Dr. Carson's not on call tonight. Is something wrong?"

Emily began rambling. "Um, I'm not sure. It's JJ. It might be nothing, but she's burning up and I think she's in pain, but she's not awake so I don't really know, but-"

"Okay, it's okay," Nurse Rose put a hand on Emily's shoulder. "Let's take a look and see what we can do."

"Okay, okay. Thank you."

Emily followed Nurse Rose back into JJ's room. JJ's face was still contorted in feverish pain and discomfort. Her breathing and heartrate had increased, but her eyes were still closed in sleep. Emily stood, feeling helpless, allowing Nurse Rose to approach JJ's side and help her.

"Alright, JJ. You're doing great. You're doing great here. I know it hurts, we're going to try to help you out with that, okay?"

Emily felt like she couldn't breathe. She quickly left the room, trying to get some air.

After a time, Nurse Rose left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

"What happened?" Emily asked in a shaky voice.

"She may need a stronger dose of her medication, that's all," Nurse Rose said.

"But she's been doing fine with her meds. She was just awake today, I thought she was getting better."

"Her body's been through a lot, and it's still processing a lot, mentally and physically. It can change how she responds to things. Especially now that she's woken up, JJ's more aware of what's going on."

"Is she…is she okay now?"

Nurse Rose turned to Emily and noticed her terrified expression.

"Emily, your friend is very strong. She's been through an incredible amount of trauma, and she's still fighting to heal. She's hurting, yes, but we're doing our best to help her. Don't forget, you're a part of that too. Stay with her tonight. I know you're scared, but she is too. She may not be able to tell you, but JJ needs you by her side."

"It's so easy to hear you say it," Emily admitted. "But then, when I'm standing in that room and something happens, I freeze up. I can't do anything. I can't stand and watch her in pain like that."

Nurse Rose opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"You'd think I'd get used to seeing people hurting, in pain after everything I see at the BAU, but JJ…"

"Emily, it's okay," Nurse Rose comforted.

"What do I do if she doesn't get better?" Emily's eyes met the nurse's, brimming with tears.

"Emily…"

"I mean, I trust you guys with what you do. But it's a possibility, right? What do I do then?"

"You stay with her," Nurse Rose said firmly. "No matter what happens, you stay by her side."

"I'm scared." Emily's voice was barely a whisper.

"I know. Stay with her anyway."

Emily stood in the hallway for much longer than she needed to, even after Nurse Rose had left, making sure she was okay. Eventually, she made her way back to JJ's side.

"Okay, I'm here, JJ. No matter what happens, I'm here."

* * *

The next morning, Emily awoke groggily. She checked her watch and unlaced her hand from JJ's. As she did, JJ stirred slightly.

"Em…," she began weakly.

Emily looked toward JJ's voice. "JJ, hey."

JJ started to sit up, and as she did, gasped in pain, reaching to her side.

"It's okay, it's okay. Don't sit up, JJ. It's fine."

JJ hissed in pain, but laid back down.

"You're doing great, you're okay," Emily said in a comforting tone.

"I'm pretty messed up, aren't I?"

"Ah, you're not exactly at your best."

JJ sighed deeply.

"Um…The doctor in Portland said you had some internal bleeding, a concussion, some bruises and lacerations, and that your left side and arm are…going to take a lot to heal completely," Emily updated.

"Will?"

"With the kids," Emily replied. "They're…having a hard time without you."

JJ looked down and did her best not to let her sadness and guilt show.

"Why are you here?" asked JJ, not looking up.

"I've been…taking some time off cases. I needed to be here."

"You didn't have to-"

"I know," Emily said. "I wanted to."

"Thank you."

They sat in silence for a bit. Emily hated every awkward moment.

"How are you feeling?" It was a dumb question, but one that Emily felt the need to ask.

JJ took a deep breath and her right arm again moved unconsciously to her left side.

"Everything hurts," she began. "And not just the injuries. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. His…smile. And the explosion. And everything happening. And I…"

She trailed off, biting her lip, her face fearful and confused. Emily took JJ's hand in hers.

"You're safe now, JJ. You're okay here," she comforted.

"I don't know that I can do this."

"We can take it slow," encouraged Emily. "And you don't have to do it alone."

JJ squeezed Emily's hand. Emily took a deep breath, looking at JJ's face.

"I don't know what I would have done if…I'm so sorry, JJ. You shouldn't have been in there. If I had never sent you in or if I had called you out faster or-"

"It's not your fault, Em. Don't blame yourself for that."

Emily shook her head. "I wish I could have stopped this from happening to you. And now you're hurting, and you're the one on the hospital bed, but I'm terrified."

"Be terrified with me?"

"Yeah. Okay."

* * *

**R&R**


	6. Chapter 6

Several days later, Emily was leaving JJ's room, when she spotted some familiar faces coming into the waiting room. Will stood, with Henry and Michael trailing along.

"Hey, is she awake?" Will asked, after Emily had greeted the boys.

"She is, and she's doing better. She's talking a bit more."

"Think she's up for some guests?" Will gestured to the kids.

"Mommy!" Michael exclaimed in anticipation.

Emily smiled. "I think it's about time."

Will took the kids in to JJ's room.

"Hey, I brought some surprises. Careful, boys. Mommy's hurt."

JJ's face lit up as her family walked in. She was exhausted, but joyful. The boys immediately raced towards JJ, and she braced herself. They offered her delicate hugs, which she graciously reciprocated, causing a smile to form on Will's face.

"It's so good to see you boys!" JJ said brightly.

"Hi, mommy!" Henry and Michael replied in unison.

"Daddy said you got hurt and won't be home for a while," Henry said.

JJ looked up at Will with a sad smile.

"Um, yeah, sweetie," she said. "I, ah, got hurt fighting some bad guys. But, I'll be home with you as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay!" came the enthusiastic reply.

JJ gestured for the boys to come up onto the hospital bed, and they did so willingly, crawling closer to their mother.

"So what have you boys been up to at home?"

* * *

Soon after Will, Henry, and Michael had left, Emily was quickly back in the chair beside JJ's bed, fiddling on her phone. JJ stirred from her sleep.

"Mmm."

Emily looked up and put her phone in her pocket. She reached over to stroke JJ's hair.

"Hey, you," she said gently. "How're you feeling?"

"Mmm. Okay. Will?"

"He took the kids back home. You knocked out pretty quickly after they left."

JJ smiled. "It was good to see them."

"I'll bet," Emily said, smiling back. "They missed you a lot."

JJ looked over and gave Emily a meaningful look.

"Em, thank you. I mean it. For everything."

"Of course."

"You didn't have to take time off for this, you know." JJ looked down.

"Of course I did. I wouldn't have have been able to concentrate on cases anyway, not knowing how you were doing."

JJ took a deep breath. "You don't have to-"

"JJ. I want to be here. And I know that look. That you think you're a burden. And you're not. You're hurting, and I'm here with you because I want to be, because this team is a family, and because you're someone I care deeply about. I'm always going to be here for you."

JJ said nothing, but took Emily's hand in hers.

She chewed her lip for a while before speaking. "A year after Tivon Askari took me, I remember this moment. Of-of paralyzing fear that I would never get over this thing that had happened to me. That it would haunt every part of my life: my job, my family, my relationships. And for the rest of my life, I would be haunted by that pain and that fear, and that everything I had would be taken from me."

JJ paused and took a shaky breath. Emily leaned closer, her hand still clasping JJ's.

"I remember making a conscious decision not to let that happen. To learn to let go and move on from what had happened. And it almost worked. All the old fears would be brought up from time to time, but for the most part, that decision to move on and grow kept me going."

"JJ…"

JJ looked up at Emily, her eyes terrified and filled with tears. "Emily, I'm in that moment again. Where everything is dark. And I'm trying, I'm trying to make the decision to fight and to continue on, but I can't. I can't do anything. I can't get these images out of my head, and I can't pretend that I'm doing well and getting better, and I can't bring myself to move on and fight to get better. I'm completely frozen."

"JJ, these things take time," Emily spoke, her heart hurting for her friend. "No one expects you to bounce back from this so quickly. Your body is learning to heal, and your mind is also going to need time to mend and to process everything that's happened. It's okay, be patient with yourself."

"And what if I don't get better? What if this does take everything from me?"

"It won't. It can't. You're Jennifer Jareau," Emily said defiantly. "You're a mother, an FBI agent with a heart of gold and boundless courage and compassion. You fight for what you believe in, and you fiercely protect the ones you love. And no matter what happens to you, that is something that can never be taken away."

JJ took a deep breath, and Emily continued. "And you can bet I'll spend every moment reminding you of that. And the team, too. And Will and the boys. We're all here for you, JJ."

"I know. Thank you…" JJ fears were quelled for a moment, even if they lingered slightly.

"In fact, I'm pretty sure you have Henry and Michael convinced that you're a real life superhero now. There was some talk of you fighting bad guys and getting a cape and mask when they were leaving."

JJ let out a small laugh. "Maybe one day they'll understand, but for now, I think being a real life superhero to them is pretty alright."

Emily grinned back. "Life would be so different if we had normal jobs."

"Mm. A nine to five desk job," JJ smiled up at the ceiling, lost in a parallel universe. "We'd wear heels and talk about business, the economy."

"Instead of murder and kidnapping and profiles," Emily laughed.

"Carrying purses and laptops instead of guns."

"Chasing tax evaders instead of serial killers."

Emily and JJ smiled at each other, before JJ's face suddenly melted away into a confused expression. She put a hand to her head and began to lie down.

"Emily…"

"JJ? Are you okay?" Emily's voice was concerned.

"Something's wrong," JJ mumbled. "I…"

JJ fell back the rest of the way to the bed and began gasping for air. She coughed once, and blood came up in her mouth. The machines around her beeped wildly. JJ's right arm moved weakly to her left side as her body continued to convulse in pain. Emily stood, unable to calm herself.

"JJ? JJ? Can you hear me? Oh, god. Help! Somebody help, please! Oh my god, JJ."

Doctors and nurses flooded into JJ's room and quickly surrounded her bed. Nurse Rose's eyes met Emily's, as she stood, frozen with fear.

"Emily, I think it's best if you step out for a bit," she urged.

"She was just fine," Emily stuttered. "She was just…"

"Emily," Nurse Rose repeated firmly.

Emily's expression remained frozen in shock, staring at JJ, but somehow, her legs carried her outside of JJ's room until she collapsed in a chair in the waiting room. Tears began to stream down her face, and she did nothing to stop them. Her mind barely registered the doctors taking JJ and her bed away from her, down to surgery.

* * *

After what felt like an eternity, Emily saw Dr. Carson and Nurse Rose coming from down the hallway. Dr. Carson was looking down at a chart, but Nurse Rose looked straight at Emily.

Emily's voice broke as she stood and spoke. "Is she…"

"She's alive," Nurse Rose confirmed. "She's stable for now."

Emily breathed a sigh of relief.

"What happened? We were talking and then…and then she stopped and there was…so much…"

"JJ's internal injuries were pretty bad," Nurse Rose explained. "We took care of what we could during the surgery, but-"

"I thought you fixed her!" Emily's voice rose, upset and angry. "I thought she was okay now! She was getting better. What happened?"

"Emily, we did," Nurse Rose put her hands on Emily's shoulders, calming her. "And she is getting better. Look, JJ's been through an impossible amount of trauma, and her progress and healing aren't going to be easy. Hopefully something like this doesn't happen again, but there's going to be days that her body won't cooperate with her."

"I can't. I can't see her hurting like this," Emily was desperately failing at holding her tears back. "I thought I could, but I can't. Not JJ."

"Emily, JJ is getting better. Believe me. This is a setback, and we're going to hold off on her physical therapy for a bit, but her body is fighting to heal. And she needs you by her side now more than ever. Don't give up on her. Don't give up on JJ."

Emily looked up tearfully at the nurse, helpless and tired.

"Go home. Get some rest," Nurse Rose encouraged gently. "JJ is in a fragile state right now, but we're keeping a close eye on her. We'll let you know when you can see her again, but you need to take care of yourself too."

"I don't want to leave her."

"I know. But with what just happened, we're not letting anyone see her right now. So the best thing you can do to help her is to help yourself first. Go home, Emily."

Emily looked down and let out a shaky breath, but obeyed dutifully and left the hospital, silently promising JJ that she'd be back as soon as she could.

* * *

**R&R**


	7. Chapter 7

JJ woke suddenly, a sharp pain in her side. She blinked, trying to see the room with the lights off.

"Emily?" she whispered into the darkness.

"Will?" her voice sounded hollow and empty.

JJ was alone. It had been a rare occurrence since she had been injured, and it was one that she feared. She had never been afraid of being alone before, but now it took everything in her not to be swallowed up by it.

A wave of pain crashed through her, and JJ's body tensed, her right arm gripping her left side tenderly. Images of the explosion flashed through her mind, breaking through the white hot pain and turning it red. The ambush. The explosion. The falling ceiling. The unsub. The unsub's smile. That sadistic smile. The one that laughed at her pain and her ignorance, as if there was something he knew that she didn't.

JJ let out the slightest whimper of pain. For a moment, she was glad to be alone so that no one could hear it. Then the next moment came, and she was drowning in the darkness of her room again, gasping for air and trying to ground herself in the hospital instead of her mind being trapped at the unsub's house.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she looked down at her broken, useless body that refused to heal. She shifted her left arm slightly, testing the rather small range of motion. Her arm seemed to refuse to move. She gingerly moved her left side and upper leg, but another explosion of pain stopped her. She gritted her teeth, doing her best to keep from screaming.

Surely she should have healed more by now. Both physically and mentally. If JJ had had more energy, she would have screamed, not just in pain, but in frustration. Instead, she let her tears flow freely, angry at the state of her body and mind.

* * *

**R&R**


	8. Chapter 8

Emily stared at her reflection in the mirror. God, she looked exhausted. And just downright terrible. Her hand moved to touch her red-rimmed eyes, now dry. All the tears she'd been crying for JJ. Her body felt drained, and though she wanted to cry more and scream and be angry at the world for all it was doing to her friend, she was too tired to do anything but stare back at her reflection.

Emily shuffled to her bedroom and laid down on top of the covers of her bed, staring at the ceiling, eyes open. She knew exactly what it was she was supposed to do when Nurse Rose sent her home. Get some rest. Take a shower. Eat some food. Do _anything_ to keep her from thinking of JJ lying broken in a hospital bed.

But all of it was too much. Emily could barely force her limbs to do anything at all, much less care for the rest of her body. Not when everything felt ten times heavier than usual, not when fear gripped every part of her being.

Emily's eyes slammed shut at the memory of JJ's body betraying her again, blood dripping from her mouth, hospital machines running wild around her. The pain and the blood. Emily had seen pain and blood before. More than any average person had to in their lifetime. But JJ. Beautiful, strong JJ. Emily could not handle JJ in pain, JJ bleeding.

Emily pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes, trying to blot out the images of her memories. If only there was something she could do to shake the world back into the way it was supposed to be, with JJ okay and smiling and sitting next to her, joking about some dumb moment. If only there was something she could do to take that night back and undo the explosion.

She took a slow, shaky breath. Staying away from the hospital was difficult. Emily couldn't help but wonder how JJ was doing, whether or not she was going to be okay. Staying in the hospital was difficult too. Every moment, there was the possibility that Emily would have to watch JJ's body give up on her. And there had been too many close calls recently and too little recovery for her to have hope.

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, then began to take very slow steps towards the bathroom again. A shower. It wasn't much, but maybe it would help.

* * *

**R&R**


	9. Chapter 9

Nearly a week after the scare, the BAU team arrived in D.C, and they immediately headed for the hospital to find Emily sitting, exhausted, on a chair in the waiting room. She had been showering, eating, trying to sleep, but nothing could wipe the tiredness from her face.

"She's awake?" Reid asked.

"Yeah, she is," Emily confirmed. "Will and the boys are in there with her now, but I'm sure she'd be up to see you guys after."

"How is she?" Matt asked.

"It's been a rough week for her…She's awake and talking again, so hoping she's on the mend." Emily's voice wavered, doubt and hopelessness barely noticeable. Rossi eyed her carefully.

"That's good to hear," Luke breathed.

Will came out of JJ's room, holding Michael in one arm, and Henry's hand in the other. He spots the team. "Oh! I'll let her know you're all here."

He leaned back into the room to notify JJ, then walked forward to speak to the team.

"She says she wants to see all of you. From what I've seen though, she's pretty exhausted. And of course she had that scare last week. She's awake now, sure, but she's definitely not out of the woods yet."

"We'll keep it short," Rossi promised. "Thanks, Will."

Will smiled at him in thanks.

"Go get a snack from the vending machine, boys," Will said, handing Henry two dollar bills. Will sunk down into a seat beside Emily, his smile fading.

"It's okay, you know," Emily said. Will turned to look at her. "For your kids to know you're scared."

Will took a deep breath and leaned forward in his seat. "I don't want them to lose hope."

"Henry and Michael are afraid right now, and they need you to show them that that's okay. But just because you're scared doesn't mean you don't have hope."

Will looked Emily in the eye. "Do you believe that?"

Emily smiled slightly. "I don't know, but if those two do, then maybe that's okay." She gestured at the two kids running back, bags of chips in hand. Will plastered a smile onto his face again and stood as the kids approached.

"Thanks, Emily," he said, turning to look at her before the family left.

The BAU team had been talking, and Matt stepped forward towards Emily. "I'd like to talk to JJ first if that's alright."

Emily gestured towards the door, and Matt slowly walked in.

JJ smiled when she saw Matt, but he instead seemed distressed.

"JJ, I…"

JJ gave him a confused look, but Matt couldn't seem to get his words out. He laughed nervously.

"I, uh…I had this whole thing prepared. JJ…I'm so sorry. I…I left you in there. I should've gone back. I didn't know…I couldn't…"

"Matt…"

"Emily called us out, and I thought you were behind me," Matt said desperately, "and when I saw that you weren't…I should've gone back inside."

Matt struggled to keep his voice from breaking.

"God, I should've gone back. And maybe I could've gotten you out in time and you wouldn't be…Or if I had gone down that hallway first and gotten to the unsub…And then it was too late, and now…"

"Matt…It's okay." JJ's reassuring voice did nothing to help Matt's guilt.

Matt shook his head. "No, JJ. It's not. I left you in there, and you were almost killed. How could I have done that?"

"Matt, you didn't know. You couldn't have. It's not your fault."

"Except that I did," Matt said. "I saw that you weren't behind me. I could have made the decision to go back inside. I could have helped you instead of…instead of being a coward and running away and-"

"Matt, there wasn't time," JJ reassured him. "You couldn't have known, and you couldn't have done anything. It's not your fault."

"JJ, I'm sorry." He looked up at her, tears in his eyes.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. Look, you're a hero. You save lives every day with this job. From people who find joy in hurting others. They're the ones to blame. It's not your fault, Matt. Please, you have to believe that. Please forgive yourself."

Matt took a deep breath and looked down.

"It'll be a while."

"That's okay."

Matt exhaled and paused, looking at JJ. "It is good to see you awake though."

JJ smiled slightly. "It's good to see you too."

"You're not going to be alone. Through all of this. The whole team, we're here for you. Will and the kids too."

"I know." JJ smiled again.

Matt left the room, and the rest of the team cycled through, sending their well wishes and hello's and apologies to JJ. She grew tired, but was overjoyed to see everyone.

Luke left the room last, closing the door behind him.

"She's resting now," he reported.

"Good, she needs it," Rossi said.

"JJ's gonna be okay, right?" Garcia asked, her hands clutched to her chest.

The team looked around, uncertain.

"It's all we can hope for," Matt said. "She seems to be doing better, but it's still a fight from here.

"Will said she's supposed to start physical therapy in a couple of days," Tara mentioned. "All we can really do is stay by her side and support her."

"We can go for now though," Luke began to grab his things, preparing to leave.

Rossi stood. "Actually there's one more thing."

"What do you mean?" Matt asked.

"We've been putting off the incident report for this case for a while," Rossi said. "And I know JJ's still not in the best state, but-"

"Absolutely not," Emily rose from her chair. "She can't relive all of that right now."

"Emily," Rossi said gently. "I know just as well as you that JJ's not mentally prepared to go through that. But no one was in that room with JJ and the unsub, and we have no record of what happened. And as more time passes-"

"Just give her a couple of days," Emily pleaded. "Until she's doing better."

Rossi looked at Emily. "One condition."

"Anything."

"You rejoin the team on some of our cases."

Emily protested. "What does that have to do with-"

"That's my condition."

"I-I don't know that I'd be able to-"

"Look, we know you're concerned about JJ," Rossi began. "We all are. But being here day after day, it'll drive you crazy. We'll stay updated on how she's doing, cycle our visits and balance it with our cases, and you can visit as much as you'd like."

Emily took a deep breath in consideration.

"And no need for unit chief duties," Rossi added. "Just regular field agent. And if it ever gets too much, if you find yourself too overwhelmed, you can tap out. How's that?"

"I…I guess we could try it out." Emily said uncertainly.

"Okay. Welcome back."

* * *

**R&R**


	10. Chapter 10

The first case back wasn't all that bad. A child abduction in Oklahoma. It wasn't anything Emily hadn't seen before. No, it wasn't the case that was difficult. It was the worried faces and stolen glances from her colleagues making sure she was doing okay. Making sure she wasn't about to break. And she was, but she wasn't about to do it in front of them.

The second case was in Virginia, and the team seemed to relax a bit before her. Some guy kidnapping girls from college campuses. And Emily was tired, but she did her best not to let it show. Because she still had a job to do. People to protect. And so they wrapped up the case rather quickly.

"Emily."

Rossi's voice was quiet, but powerful. They had just stepped off the elevators and were headed into the bullpen.

"Let's talk."

Emily turned toward him, her face hiding the dread she felt for the upcoming conversation.

"How're you doing?" Rossi's question was gentle, but his eyes searched Emily's face for any sign of emotion.

"I'm fine," was the automatic reply.

Rossi raised an eyebrow, urging her to try again and tell the truth this time around.

Emily sighed. "Look, I can do my job. I can go through and help the team with these cases. If you need extra hands with JJ gone, I can stay and help out."

"But?"

Emily shifted uncomfortably. "But I'm not fine. I can't help thinking about JJ, wondering how she's doing, if she's going to be okay. And I won't be able to stop until she is. I can do my job just fine, but…everything is a little less clear, a little more complicated, a little more difficult without her."

Rossi was silent, studying her.

"You're doing excellent work out here. You're indispensable from the team. But I think the fastest way for us to get the both of you back on the team is if you be with her," Rossi said, choosing his words carefully. "Help her heal. Help her fight. Then the two of you come back and help this team to heal and fight. We can't do it without you."

Emily smiled slightly. "Thank you."

"And Emily. One more thing," Rossi held out a yellow folder to her. "JJ needs to do this. The incident report. And you need to be the one to walk her through it."

Emily paused, staring at the folder.

"She can't…she's not ready."

"Emily. She needs this. You need this too. I know it might seem early, but both of you will eventually need to come to terms with what happened in there."

Emily bit her lip and took the folder in her hand.

"I'll go see her tomorrow," she said quietly.

* * *

**R&R**


	11. Chapter 11

Emily took a deep breath and walked down the hallway of the hospital, her feet taking her to JJ's room now by habit. Her hand tightly clutched the incident report folder and an iPad to her side.

She knocked gently at JJ's door and walked in, relieved to see the blonde sleeping soundly. Emily stared at her sleeping form for a bit, and her hands relaxed around the folder and tablet slightly. The stark contrast of JJ asleep somewhat peacefully now compared to her in pain and unconscious gave Emily at least a sliver of hope that her friend was healing.

"Watching me sleep, Prentiss?" came a quiet voice.

Emily blinked and smiled at JJ's open eyes.

"More like watching you drool in your sleep," Emily joked, causing JJ to smile as well. "How're you doing?"

JJ winced as she sat up. "You want the short answer or the long answer?"

"I want the truth."

JJ bit her lip. "Nightmares. And hurts like crazy still. Physical therapy starts tomorrow though, so I guess that's something."

"That's good," Emily encouraged.

"Yeah, maybe," JJ looked away, trying not to get her hopes up. "How's being back on cases?"

"It sucked," Emily admitted. "But it was also good for a time, I think. I-I'm stepping off again though."

"Oh," JJ looked down guiltily. She seemed to notice the folder for the first time. "Don't tell me you brought work to finish," she joked with a half smile.

"Actually," Emily began, and JJ's smile fell, "it's the incident report for the case…"

Emily trailed off and glanced at JJ's bed.

"Ah," JJ looked down. "Sure."

"You don't have to if you're not-"

"I-I can do it," JJ said quietly, gripping her blanket. "It's been long enough."

"Okay," Emily replied, opening the folder. "Tell me what happened when you got to the house. And…let me know if you need to stop."

JJ took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Matt had driven there. I'd just gotten off the phone with you. We got to the house, and Matt led us through the front door. He saw some scratches or markings, I think, on the wall, so he motioned for me to keep going. Ah, I went down the hallway and checked three rooms. Um, two bedrooms and a small office. There was nothing. Then, um, I heard you telling us to get out. So, I tried to, and then…"

JJ's eyes snapped open, and Emily moved to put her hand on JJ's.

"It's okay, you're safe here," Emily murmured.

"And then he attacked me," JJ continued, doing her best to keep her face emotionless, but the beeping of the heart monitor betrayed her.

"JJ we can take a break if you want."

JJ closed her eyes again. "He attacked me with something, I think it was a bat. My ribs and my head. I lost my gun. And then…and then he smiled at me."

JJ stopped, and she opened her eyes again, finding that her right hand had unconsciously moved to hold her left side.

"JJ." Emily voice caused JJ to turn and look at her, and Emily's heart broke at the fear and the tears in her eyes.

JJ had relived these moments time after time in the last few weeks, but saying them aloud, having them be written down was a whole other level. And Emily knew that this wasn't about the incident report, it was about JJ voicing her fears and having them be heard by her friend beside her.

"I'm here," Emily said carefully, taking JJ's hand from her wounded side and placing it into her hand.

JJ took a deep breath. "His smile…He _enjoyed_ it. Causing pain to other people. He smiled like he knew exactly what he was doing, and he wasn't going to stop. Like he knew that even after the explosion, the pain wouldn't stop. It would keep going, and he relished that. He smiled like this was all a game to him, that he was winning, and that he would make this game go on for as long as he wanted to, and there was nothing I could do."

Emily gave JJ's hand a squeeze. "We can stop if you want to."

JJ shook her head, stubbornly pushing on. "And then…and then you said something about a bomb. And I saw it. The detonator in his hand. And then I saw…flashing lights all around. And then it went off. And when I opened my eyes, there was a body on the ground down the hallway and the ceiling was falling. And then when I woke up next, I was in the hospital."

JJ looked up and stared straight ahead as Emily noted the last details in the report.

"There," she said, closing the folder. "The case is closed, JJ."

Emily looked at her friend in the bed. "I know there's still a long way to go to heal, but I'm here. You don't have to do this fight alone, JJ. No matter what."

JJ looked down and found her hands shaking. "I know. Thank you."

"Look," Emily said, pulling out the tablet. "They ID'd the body at the house. Tanner Lowry. Poor guy's sister died in an apartment fire when the residents didn't take the fire alarm seriously and interfered with the firefighters doing their job. And get this: the fire apparently came from some bomb that didn't go off properly. Tanner was coming home at the time and saw the crowd before he heard the news."

"Yikes," JJ murmured, leaning back.

Emily turned the tablet around to give JJ a look at the profile, and JJ's blood ran cold when she saw the screen, the racing of her heart evidenced by the rapid sounds of the heart monitor.

"Emily, that's not him."

"What?"

"That's not the man who attacked me. That's the wrong guy."

* * *

**R&R**


	12. Chapter 12

"What do you mean it's the wrong guy?" Emily asked, worry rising in her voice.

JJ's hands were shaking, and Emily reached over to hold them steady.

"I-I don't know who this guy is, but he's not the one who attacked me," JJ's voice was quiet, but full of fear.

"JJ, are you sure?"

"Emily," JJ turned to look Emily in the eye. "I told you, I couldn't forget that guy's face if I tried. And this…this isn't it."

"That doesn't make sense," Emily murmured. "They found evidence linking this guy to the bombs in the house too. And the profile certainly fits."

JJ's breath quickened and grew unsteady.

"JJ, we're going to find the guy who hurt you. I promise," Emily said firmly. "You're safe here, okay? He can't hurt you."

JJ nodded, but her breathing and heart rate refused to slow.

Emily glanced up at the heart monitor. "I'm going to give a call to the team."

She stood up to step into the hallway.

"Don't leave, please," JJ's quiet voice stopped Emily in her tracks, and she turned. JJ's eyes were filled with tears, and Emily could not remember a time when the normally brave agent's face had looked so helpless and scared.

"Okay, I'm here. I'm here, JJ. You're okay," Emily sat down again next to her friend.

Emily used one hand to pull out her phone, her other firmly grasping JJ's hand. "Rossi, we have a problem. We need to go back to Portland."

Emily sat and explained the situation, her heart breaking as she watched the tears finally fall from JJ's face.

"We're going to find him," Emily reassured JJ again. "Do you think you could talk to a sketch artist?"

JJ nodded. "Are you leaving with the team?" her voice was hollow.

Emily looked at the broken girl on the hospital bed. There was nothing she wanted to do more than to stay with and make sure she was okay, that she was healing. Then she felt a rush of anger at the man who did this to her, and she wanted only to hunt him down and make him pay for what he did to JJ.

"I'll stay for a bit. Make sure you're okay," Emily decided. Her voice grew angry. "Then I'm going to Portland, and I'm making sure this guy gets what he deserves."

JJ nodded slowly, uncertain how she felt about her friend leaving.

"JJ, we're going to find him. You focus on your physical therapy and on getting better. Trust us, okay?"

JJ looked up at Emily. She trusted no one in the world more to do what was needed. Yet she couldn't help the overwhelming fear inside of her, as she came to terms with the fact that the man who hurt her was still alive.

"Please be careful," was all JJ could say.

* * *

Emily sat in the plane, willing it to go faster. She had urged the team to go on ahead, as she sat with JJ in the hospital. She had been determined to sit with JJ as she painfully described the man to the sketch artist and held JJ's hand as she had to relive that experience once again.

So now Emily sat in the airliner, irritated at its slow pace relative to the BAU's jet. Her hands fidgeted against the edges of the closed case file, as she stared out the window, wondering how slow planes could go without falling out of the sky. If only Reid were there to tell her.

"Nervous flyer?" the woman next to her chuckled, eyeing Emily's fidgeting hands.

Emily smiled back politely. "Something like that," she muttered, not feeling the need to divulge exactly why she was nervous: a man who tried to kill her best friend was recently deemed still alive, and Emily was on the world's slowest plane ever going over to catch him.

"It's not so bad," the woman smiled. "Though I guess I do fly out a lot. My sister lives in Portland. Are you going there too or do you have a layover?"

"Portland," Emily said shortly, trying not to prolong the conversation."

"It's such a beautiful city!" the woman apparently did not pick up on Emily's tone. "What are you up to there?"

Emily took a deep breath. "Just catching up with someone. I recently found out he's back in Portland," she said.

"Bet it's got something to do with that important-looking folder there," the woman joked, pointing to the case file in Emily's lap.

Emily laughed nervously.

"What about your friend? What does he do?" the woman asked.

Emily considered the man who attacked JJ and what she knew about him. "Baseball," she replied, her smile thin as she imagined him standing over JJ with a bat. Her hands tightened around the case file.

"Oh! My son loves baseball!" the woman remarked.

Emily sighed. As much as she had needed to stay with JJ, a small part of her now wished she had left on the jet. It was going to be a very long flight to Portland.

* * *

An eternity later, Emily found herself back at the Portland police department, the team bustling about and their room all set up.

"How was your flight?" Luke asked upon seeing her. He was pinning up the image from the sketch artist.

"God, I do not want to talk about it," Emily muttered, exasperated. "Remind me to always take the jet instead of an airliner whenever possible." The woman beside her had talked the entire flight, making the ride seem ten times longer than it had been.

"That bad, huh?" Luke chuckled. Emily smiled slightly.

Emily set her bag down and looked up at the board, her smile fading as she saw JJ's picture tacked up. As terrible as the flight and the small talk had been, they had served well to almost take her mind off of her friend hurting.

Luke looked at Emily's face and at the picture of JJ she was staring at. "We're gonna find him, Emily," he said. "JJ's going to be okay."

"I know," Emily said quietly.

* * *

JJ exhaled a breath she didn't realize she was holding as Will walked into the room.

"Will," she breathed, as he rushed towards her.

"JJ." Will wrapped his arms around her carefully, and she felt a weight lift from her shoulders.

"I heard what happened. Are you okay?" Will ran a hand through JJ's hair as she pressed her face into his body.

"He's alive," JJ choked out.

"I know, I know. It's okay," Will murmured.

JJ untangled herself from Will's arms, and he sat, watching his wife's tear-stained face and her hands clutching the hospital blankets.

"He can't hurt you anymore, JJ," Will reassured her, putting a hand on hers.

JJ bit her lip. "I-I know," she replied, uncertainty still evident in her voice.

"The team's the best at what they do," Will continued. "They'll catch him."

"What if he's been hurting other people?" JJ said quietly. "What if he hurts the team?"

"They'll catch him," Will repeated. "Here."

Will pulled a tablet out of his bag. "Emily said she'll keep us updated. They'll be sending us all of the information on the case, okay?"

JJ nodded, her hands still gripping the blankets tightly, refusing to hold the tablet.

Will looked at JJ's face carefully. "I told Emily I'd call her when I got here. Let's talk to her, okay?"

JJ took a deep breath. "Yeah, okay."

Will clicked through the tablet to call Emily, and her face popped up almost immediately on the screen.

"JJ, Will," Emily said, relieved. "How are you?"

Will glanced at JJ's face, overwhelmed and hopeless. "We're…we're doing okay. How are things over there?"

Emily ran a hand through her hair. "We've just talked to Portland PD about the situation. We ran a search through Tanner Lowry's connections, seeing if any of them match the sketch. The guy's definitely guilty, but it's his partner that's in the wind."

"Any hits?" Will asked.

Emily glanced behind her at the rest of the team. "Um, nothing yet. We'll keep you guys updated."

Emily paused, looking at JJ, who had still not said anything. "JJ, it's going to be okay. We're gonna get this guy."

"I know," JJ's voice was barely a whisper. "Please be careful."

Emily's expression softened. "Of course."

Will watched as JJ's hands finally began to loosen around the blankets.

"JJ, don't worry about us here," Emily said. "Just…just promise me you'll focus on getting better."

JJ hesitated, then nodded. "I promise."

Emily shot a meaningful look at Will, who nodded slightly, silently sending his own promise to stay by JJ's side.

"We've got our first physical therapy session in a bit," Will said, looking at his watch.

"Okay," Emily responded, "I've got to get back to the case. It's…It's going to be okay, JJ."

"I trust you. Bye, Emily."

"I'll see you soon, JJ. Will."

Emily hung up, and JJ and Will sat, staring at the black screen of the tablet.

"Talk to me, JJ," Will said, breaking the silence.

"I thought it was over," JJ muttered. "I mean, I knew there was a road of recovery ahead for me, but…the case…I thought it was over. And now, it's a whole thing again. And someone else could end up in the same position, and I wonder if there's anything I could've…"

JJ trailed off.

"Don't go blaming yourself now," Will said firmly. "You know it wasn't your fault. The BAU team is going to wrap up this case soon, and you focus on getting better, okay?"

JJ looked up to meet Will's eyes.

"And it will be over soon," Will continued. "And things will have changed, and you'll be different, but you'll be stronger. JJ, I've seen you. I know you. This attack did not break you. You're not broken beyond repair. You are still Jennifer Jareau. A fighter. A hero. You love fearlessly. You fight boldly. You don't give up. We're going to be okay. Don't lose hope."

JJ's eyes filled with tears, and she buried herself in her husband's arms once again, an embrace with less fear and more hope than the one before.

Maybe, just maybe, with the right people around her, it was all going to be okay.

* * *

**R&R**


	13. Chapter 13

"It doesn't make sense." Penelope's hands fluttered across the keyboard of her laptop, her eyes scanning the screens and reading as quickly as they could.

Luke didn't look up from his case file. He wasn't used to having the tech analyst with them on site, but Emily had requested she fly to Portland with them to maximize communication and sharing information.

"What's up, Garcia?" Luke called across the table.

"There's no trace of anything like the other unsub. Since we were last here, there's been no sign of any similar cases and no sign of anyone who looks like the sketch JJ sent through. It doesn't make sense." Her last words were punctuated by a frustrated yet light keyboard smash so as not to damage her precious computer.

"It's alright, we'll just look at it from another angle," Luke stretched his neck and flipped through the case file. He glanced up at Garcia when she didn't respond and was surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"Hey," he said gently. "Hey now, it's alright. What's wrong?"

"JJ's hurt," Garcia said quietly. "I mean, she's been hurt, but…she's still hurt. And I can't find the guy who hurt her and I need to otherwise he'll hurt others or he might hurt her again or-"

"Penelope," Luke interrupted. "JJ's healing. She's in DC, and she's got Will and she's going to be okay. And this guy. I don't know what's up with him, but we'll find him. His hiding doesn't stand a chance against the goddess of the internet."

Garcia smiled at him through her tears. "How can you be so sure that everything's gonna be okay?"

"Because I know us. And I believe in the BAU. Now let's think about this a bit," Luke continued. "What if the guy's just laying low?"

"Someone as sadistic as this guy doesn't just stop doing what he's doing," Matt spoke as he entered the room, scaring the pair. "I spoke to the police. They're still working on Tanner Lowry's connections, but whoever this guy is, he keeps a low profile."

"Right," Luke said slowly. "They were working as a pair then, so we can assume that the crimes are gonna look different now. If Tanner Lowry was the mastermind behind the explosives, then this unsub is the one who was beating up the victims. We're looking for assaults, muggings, and beatings that were fatal or near fatal."

Garcia leapt to work on her laptop as Emily and Rossi shuffled into the room, coffees in hand.

"Nothing on the sketch. No one seems to know this guy," Emily reported, her voice hollow. The pressure of the case was certainly taking a toll on her.

"I was thinking about the sketch," Matt added. "How can we be sure this guy looks the same as he did when JJ saw him? If he survived the same explosion that JJ did, how can we know that he's not disfigured in some way? Maybe that's why we can't find anything with the public or with facial recognition software."

"Garcia, check for anyone in the area who may have gotten treatment for facial burns or injuries around the time when the explosion happened," Rossi reasoned.

"On it," the tech analyst sat up straight, reinvigorated by the team's brainstorm and relieved that she could help.

"What are we going to do if he's not in Portland anymore?" Emily asked no one in particular, her eyes staring into empty space.

The team looked around at each other, no one daring to acknowledge the possibility that their unsub might be out of their reach.

"We're just gonna have to hope he's hung around," Matt said carefully.

Rossi checked his watch and cautiously shifted the conversation. "Reid and Lewis should be getting back soon from talking to Tanner Lowry's family. It's a long shot, but anything they know could be helpful to us to find this guy."

"I hope so," Emily breathed, shaking her head to clear it. "We're just going out on limbs here, but we need to find something concrete if we're going to find the unsub."

* * *

JJ took a deep breath as she stared hard at her feet. She had made surprising progress over the last couple of days of physical therapy, but there was still a long way to go.

"Alright, JJ. You got this," the physical therapist, Renee, encouraged.

JJ's hands gripped the cold metal of the parallel bars as she willed her right foot to move up and forward. She let out another breath as her foot connected with the ground and she planted her partial weight on it, her arms doing the bulk of the work to hold her body up.

"Yes, excellent job, JJ!" Renee cheered, motioning for her to take another step. Will hovered a couple of feet away, his fist pressed to his mouth in nervousness.

JJ focused all her strength and might, urging her left foot to mirror what had just happened with her right. Every part of her body screamed in pain at her, but she refused to give up. With all her concentration, JJ took another step. And another. And-

JJ cried out as her left arm buckled, forcing her to crash to the floor in a heap. A blinding white light of pain flashed across her vision. Will leapt forward to help her.

"Don't touch me," she growled uncharacteristically, her teeth gritted to keep from screaming in pain once again. Will stepped back in obedience and shock.

JJ's leg felt trapped, and a sudden flashback threatened to spill over into her mind. JJ swallowed painfully and shoved the memory back into the dark corners of her mind where it belonged, forcing herself to be grounded in the moment in the physical therapy room.

"JJ, you-"

"I'm fine!" she retorted. Her eyes were still shut from the pain, and Will retreated, confused by JJ's outburst.

JJ opened her eyes slowly and glanced at the look on his face, then did what she could to let her anger hide her guilt.

"I'm done for the day," she said curtly. "Could you take me back to my room please?"

Renee opened her mouth as if to respond but nodded instead. She helped JJ into a wheelchair and rolled her back to her room, Will silently following behind.

There was a heavy silence in the room as Renee helped JJ into her bed, then quickly exited. JJ carefully avoided Will's piercing gaze the whole time.

After an unbearable amount of quiet, Will spoke. "You want to talk about what just happened in there?"

"Not really," JJ said quietly, her tone no less brusque than before. She rubbed her left side with her right hand.

"Well can we talk about it anyway?" Will asked a little more firmly, trying to look his wife in the eye.

"I'm sorry," JJ muttered after some time.

"That's not what I'm looking for."

"Then what do you want?" JJ finally looked up at Will, her expression exhausted and still angry.

"I want you to talk to me." Will said gently, unaffected by JJ's snappy responses.

JJ bit her lip and stared at him as tears sprang to her eyes.

"A month ago, I was kicking down doors and taking down unsubs," JJ's voice shook as she spoke. "Now I'm being applauded for-for taking a step?!"

"JJ, no one-"

JJ's voice rose as she continued. "It's frustrating and it's humiliating. Shouldn't I be better by now? Why is it so hard? Why is it so fucking hard?"

JJ was fully facing Will now, her tears flowing freely down her face and her hands clenched in anguish at the thin fabric of her hospital blankets.

"JJ," Will spoke softly, reaching out to take her hand, his heart breaking as he watched his wife fall apart in front of him.

"I'm so tired. I can't do it," JJ whispered, looking down. Her hands still held the blankets tightly, but she did nothing to stop Will's comforting hand to cover hers. "I can't get him out of my mind. And nothing…my body…it doesn't work. I can't do anything."

"JJ, you know this healing is going to take time," Will began.

"No," JJ interrupted. "No, I can't do another encouraging, motivational speech about this process. I know healing takes time. I know I'm not alone in it. I know I'm going to come out stronger or whatever. I know the BAU is good at what they do, and they'll get the guy. I know that everything's going to be okay, I just…I need something for right now."

Will looked at his wife, desperation in her eyes. He used his free hand to brush the hair out of her face. "I don't have anything for right now, JJ. This is…this is the hard part. I think all we have is hope for the future. And there's no telling how long this hard part is, but I promise you, I'm here every step of the way."

JJ blinked back tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, her tone more genuine than her previous apology. "You've been…so patient with me. You're…thank you."

"I love you, JJ," Will said, tipping JJ's face so her eyes met his. There were a million unspoken words between them, but those three spoke multitudes.

"I love you too."

* * *

**R&R**


	14. Chapter 14

Emily sat, her eyes unfocused and her fingers fidgeting with a coffee cup that now held only several sips of a lukewarm beverage. She was exhausted, and her mind refused to think of anything but her friend still recovering on the other side of the country. She had just gotten off another call with Will, who had delicately explained JJ's fragile state after her physical therapy session.

All of their leads from Tanner Lowry had come up empty. His connections and his family had been no help in capturing his partner. Emily had almost begun to give up hope.

"Emily?" a small voice called the raven-haired woman out of her thoughts. Emily turned to face Garcia and found the rest of the team staring at her as well. Her face flushed as she wondered how long they had been trying to get her attention.

"Sorry," she muttered. "What's up?"

"Um, I may have found something," Garcia reported, her usual pep replaced by an uncertainty that had clouded her judgment ever since the weight of what had happened to JJ was made clear.

"A day after the bombing at the house, a John Doe was treated for injuries on his face and arm in a hospital in Vancouver."

"Canada?" Luke asked, confused.

"No, Vancouver, Washington," the tech analyst clarified. "Just north of Portland. I didn't think anything of it, except that a string of assaults have been reported in Olympia, Washington. Reports that include a man with a messed up face and arm."

"Well that's gotta be him," Emily said, standing quickly. "Garcia, you're a genius. Let's get to Olympia."

Rossi held up a hand. "Hold on, how do we know this is the same guy? Garcia, these reports, did these people survive the assault? That's not like our guy at all."

Garcia nodded in response.

"Could it be that his arm injury is preventing him from finishing the job?" Lewis theorized.

"Maybe," Matt mused, thinking hard. "Do we have images or a sketch of this person?"

Garcia shook her head. "Nothing unified. He's attacking at night and the reports are kind of all over the place."

"This is our best shot," Emily said, still standing. "We have to at least check it out."

"Emily, let's not do anything rash here. We don't have a lot of details yet," Rossi put up his hand in warning.

"Rash?!" Emily exclaimed. "JJ's barely walking! Whoever this guy is, he's out there hurting more people, and we're not even going to stop him?"

The team was silent, stunned at Emily's outburst.

"Garcia, could you contact the Olympia police for more details?" Rossi requested. "And Emily, could I talk to you for a moment?"

The team carefully avoided eye contact as Emily stepped outside with him.

"I'm sorry," Emily began, though her tone had an edge and harshness not usually present. "I just…I just want to do everything we can to help JJ."

"Emily, as personal as this case has become, it's still our job to finish it justly. This isn't a place for retaliation or revenge against our unsub. I know we're all concerned about JJ, but you can't start to let those fears cloud your judgment over the case, or I'm going to have to take you off of it."

Emily bit her lip. "I get it," she mumbled.

"Now I do think this guy Garcia found could lead us somewhere," Rossi continued. "But we need more details. And if this is our unsub, I need to know that you're gonna be able to handle the rest of the case as an FBI agent, not as a vengeance seeker."

Emily looked him in the eye. "I can do this."

* * *

JJ gasped for breath, her hands clutching the cold metal bars of her hospital bed. Will had gone home to the kids after several days in a row of staying at the hospital, leaving her alone in the hospital room.

Usually, JJ spent the majority of her time alone either sleeping or watching the painfully tedious TV shows provided by the hospital's cable network. But in the moment, she was caught in another horrific flashback from the night of her attack, and she was struggling to get out of it.

JJ couldn't help the tears streaming down her face as she again felt the unsub's strikes against her body, each of them sending a sharp round of pain through her side. His face and his smile pierced through her vision as she struggled against the hospital bedsheets. A scream ripped through JJ's throat as an explosion permeated every ounce of her consciousness, and JJ's mind was lost in the fire of the chaos.

"JJ. JJ." A voice called to her, and JJ did everything she could to wrench herself out of the unsub's grasp, trying to escape her attacker.

"JJ, you're okay. You're safe, you're okay."

JJ's eyes burst open, her body drenched in sweat as she breathed hard. She could feel her heartbeat slamming inside of her, and everything in her body screamed that something was horribly, terribly, wrong and that danger was at hand.

"JJ."

Her eyes turned to look at Nurse Rose, whose heart grieved at the blonde's fearful, wild eyes staring back at her.

"JJ, hey. You're okay. You're here."

JJ felt her breathing and her heartbeat slow, surely with the help of some medicine. She took in her surroundings slowly, and she glanced at the nurse, embarrassed.

"I-I'm fine," JJ said hoarsely, her breathing still ragged.

"You're not," Nurse Rose smiled sympathetically, "but that's okay. You're safe here, JJ."

JJ breathed carefully and gratefully accepted the cup of water the nurse offered her. There was a pause as Rose allowed JJ to slow down.

"Listen, JJ. The doctors and I here are able to help you with some of what you're dealing with physically, but you need to be able to talk to someone about this."

JJ grimaced. Therapy. She knew it was something she would need after everything that had happened, but nothing made her feel more helpless than needing to sit in a chair and talk for hours on end about the things in her mind.

Rose continued, ignoring the look on JJ's face. "The hospital psychologist is-"

"The BAU has a psychologist," JJ said flatly, trying and failing to hide the fact that she was still catching her breath.

"Well, if you decide not to return to the BAU, just know that we have the resources here to help you, JJ," Rose said gently, rising to leave the room.

JJ stared at her as she exited, too shocked to speak. In the scenarios she had played out for her healing, she had always intended to return to the BAU. Now with her recovery going at what seemed to be an impossibly slow rate, JJ thought of the possibilities. She wanted to go back, she really did. JJ knew the nurse's words had not intended for it, but her mind couldn't help but fill with doubts about her place in the BAU and where her life would lead now. If she ever healed, would she be fit to return? Would she ever really be the kind of agent she had been before? With all that had changed, would the BAU even want her back?

* * *

**R&R**


End file.
